There is a direct and total sense that clarifies all of life’s mysteries and resolves all of life’s problems. Some people must have touched this sense. But in trying to capture it in thoughts, words or philosophies, they have lost ‘it’.
This sense, vast and tremendous cannot be contained by a word or a remembered experience. You may understand what I am talking about when you consider… Does the word freedom set you free, contain freedom, communicate or impart what freedom is? Of course not. Only if you know freedom within yourself do you even have any live or actual reference to the word.
Otherwise that word, as are all words, remains an empty and personally meaningless noise. A noise, which we give common meaning to, but do not ‘personally understand’, which we purely use to continue babbling on with one another.
You may have noticed this tiring emptiness our race imposes on one another, repeating meaningless nonsense in an attempt to pretend our life is full of meaning. In our religious, social and family gatherings, and even in our business meetings we go on endlessly making these noises. Yet if any of us were to search inside or in our life for evidence of any of this having any relevance to truly getting on with fulfilling effective living, rarely is it found there. And when it is, that is when we are the lucky individual whose life is recognized as satisfyingly relevant to our existence.
Since that vast sense of really living is not derived from all our thinking about achieving this and as no passing moment of fulfillment can be produced, captured or retained by any process devised by thought then dropping those attempts we ask the next questions; what is it that is responsible for the fullness of experience? In what way or manner does it come about in our lives?
Rather than flogging the dead horses, which have already been exhausted – religion, success, spirituality, education, family, culture, social structures, to name a few – we need to ask, ‘then what’. If all these ways we have tried for thousands of years have failed, which they have, ‘what then’?
In what manner does fulfillment exist in our lives, when does it exist?
As the activity of thought we call mind cannot touch upon, capture, produce nor retain the living fulfillment we crave and possibly need, then how are we to have this. In what way – other than any way connected to or dependant on thought – can or does this complete sense of ourselves exist in our lives?
The unexpected and unwanted answer.
The answer to that is at first not what we would expect or hope, nor what we at first want it to be. Therefore your attachment to flogging your dead horses – which are all your ideals and beliefs, may prevent you from being able to receive what I am about to reveal.
Your wholeness, your fulfillment in yourself and life is found in everything you avoid and deny. The act of avoiding any feeling, any discomfort, and any condition of you or your life that doesn’t fit with your ideals is also the act that maintains your emptiness and dissatisfaction. It is also the act that prevents any resolution of your problems, distress or ignorance from occurring.
If you have considered all this you may have noticed that any of and almost all the things we idealize in life are always excluding these essential real to life experiences of difficulties or discomforts of the ordinary person, and we are all ordinary people.
By ordinary I do not mean mediocre. Mediocrity is the result of avoiding the ordinary and uncomfortable. It makes you stupid, shallow, dissatisfied, numb and controllable. It weakens the individual and the species.
So what is ‘it’, that is the living experience that fulfils us? Is thought, (the activity called mind) which cannot touch anything current or living, aware of ‘it’. Or is it that ‘it’ is, in a complete and immediate way (not via thought) aware of itself?
Only hunger is aware of hunger and sadness aware of sadness ‘as these are’. To think in terms of my hunger or sadness is seperative and is a state divided from and not within the experience or sensation of the hunger or sadness you describe.
You think therefore you cannot feel.
This is how most of you relate to feeling and to all life. You think about your feelings or your life continuously. Therefore you taint the actual experience by your thoughts about it – you never just feel – you never just live. What you believe is feeling is an idea-based experience always once removed from the immediacy of feeling – of the felt-sensation of living. This idea-based activity of thinking conjures idea-based experiences – fantasies that are not the real or immediate, self-evident, felt-censed experience already there in your life.
Feeling or physical sensation is ‘self-evident’. Physical life or reality is also ‘self-evident’. Everything else is make-believe – stories or twisted descriptions of a self and a life, which beyond the descriptive power of thought no evidence of their existence remains. For they do not exist in their own right. They are merely the imagined product of thought.
As I was saying, due to being unknowingly controlled by the influence of what you learned to expect or idealize – as the answers to fulfillment and how we are to have all that we crave and need – you cannot receive the answers from life itself or in what has been said here already because you don’t want that to be the answer. It doesn’t fit with your ideals. First you must drop the answers that you want, which make up your ideals. Only then can you be receptive to life’s self-evident answers.
Your search for what you expect to find.
But all humans want the answer to lie in whatever comforts them, in ideals imagined beyond the pain of reality, of themselves, of their lives as these already are. But it doesn’t. It does in fact lie with all that you run from, avoid or deny. Until you receive that in yourself and your life you remain a partial human being living out a life through a thought based idea of yourself, made up of thoughts that are not even your own originally.
These states are in fact reactional objections to raw reality. The raw realities of your ordinary day to day life experience are in fact the experiences of all it is to be you. You may think you experience your surroundings but in fact you experience what is within you, stimulated by your surrounding.
Within the immediate experience of all that you are all day long, as it is felt in the body and not how it is thought about, is the continuous exposure of all you are and need. Whenever you do not interfere with this through your prejudices or fears you will find within your own living experience an ordinary yet filling sense of you that our thoughts or words fail to capture. Real meditation and this sense of your existence beyond words are one and the same.
Matthew Meinck is an original thinker, an explorative ground-breaking natural health practitioner and educator, published author, meditation mentor, problem solver. New books by Matthew Meinck will be available online in 2012.